Goodboy Norman Featherstone

Thursday, June 29, 2006


The knickname of the week has been Bellygrub, so named after a level 24 Giant Goretusk in the Redridge Mountains. Yeah, it's a nerdy WoW thing - see what I have to deal with daily? All other Giant Goretusks are passive, but Bellygrub, like me, will aggro on you if you get too close to him. Hopefully, he tears you down pretty fast too, because those tusks are painful. I don't think I'm quite as fat as the Bellygrub of the Redridge Mountains, but he does have a cool mohawk hairdo worth admiring. Maybe I can get Ian to shave my fur into a mohawk next time he has the clippers out. He'll have to do it quickly though, because if the Woman catches on, there will be trouble.

The Original Bellygrub after Getting Pwned:

Me as Bellygrub after Getting Pwned:

In case you're a WoW nerd, and you're wondering what I dropped, you will be displeased to find "Pug Ichor" in your bag. For the HORDE!

Friday, June 23, 2006

Butterball Turkey Butt

The Woman says I'm getting chubby and has been referring to me as "Butterball Turkey Butt" all week. I don't think I'm getting that fat to warrant a new knickname. And besides, I'm not gaining butt fat, I'm gaining chest girth! She should call me "Butterball Turkey Chest" instead. Sure, my cottage cheese and flaxseed oil might be "filling me out" a little more, but I could use to gain a few pounds. I've always been a rather thin Pug after all and haven't had a good fat roll to call my own. Check out the fat roll in this picture! That's a prize winner!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Identity Crisis

The Woman has always called me by a lot of different knicknames, but lately they have been getting so long that by the time she finishes saying my "name," I forgot what she wanted. One of her most recent favorites that seems to have "stuck" is "Bee-bop Baby Bear Man." She really likes this one. I find it rather gay, but I do tolerate it since Bee-bop was that bad mutant dude on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Sure, the "Baby Bear" might negate the coolness of Bee-bop, but I choose to ignore that part of the name. I wish she would call me "Rock Steady" instead though. Everyone knows he was the badder of the two Shredder side-kicks.

She has also been repeating herself a lot lately. Maybe she's running out of knickname ideas, and in order to get a long enough name for her liking, she has to duplicate parts of it. Case in point, "Pug Pug Bear Bear Man Dog." I'm sure you notice the trend of "bear" and "man" in these two names. These are common components of my knicknames. Sometimes she just calls me "Bear Dog" or "Man Dog." I am trying to find out what makes her tick so I can attempt to guide her knicknaming. So far I have had no luck though.

Monday, June 19, 2006

I Never Knew We Had this Room!

The People cleaned out the bonus room this weekend. It was filled to the ceiling with boxes that needed unpacking and other assorted miscellaneous items from the last move. When they finished, I couldn't believe we had another room in the house this whole time! Sure, the People had been using what little space there was in that "room" as a darkroom, but now it's like there's this whole other room that appeared out of no where! I wonder if there are more rooms hiding somewhere in this house. Sometimes I get a little whiff of BO when I'm in the new room, because the owner before last used it as a workout room. The Woman needs to scrub those floors! I like BO and all, but not BO from a strange women I have never had the pleasure of sniffing in person!

To add to the excitement of finding a new room, the Woman also found the Lady Pugs in a box! I was so happy to see Paprika and the seester. They had been packed up for 6 months and were unresponsive, so I gave them the breath of life. They were back up and kicking quickly after that! Hello Ladies!

We also had another gas leak scare during the unpacking session. The Woman still refuses to turn on the air conditioner, so we were running the attic fan while cleaning out the bonus room. We had only one window in the bonus room open so all the air would come through that room. The gas hot water heater is located in a closet in the bonus room, and after a while, the People smelled some natural gas. Well, according to the Gas Company, you should never smell natural gas in your house, so the Woman called to have The Gas Man cometh. Unfortunately, it was not Bryan, our last Gas Man, but some other dude that was not as pleasant as Bryan. Actually, he was quite the bossy jerk and not appreciative of having to climb around on his back to see if our pilot light was lit. It turns out that the attic fan was sucking the hot water heater exhaust out of the exhaust pipe, and that's why we smelled gas. The New Gas Man claims the People need to buy a new hot water heater and told them not to run the attic fan until they do so. The People are not heeding his advice though, because the water heater passed inspection and they think the New Gas Man is just trying to get them to spend $1k with his company. Long story short, they said - Whatever! I do what I want. If our house blows up, you will all know why.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Revenge of the BBQ'd Sparrow

Another bird flew onto the porch yesterday, and this time, it made its way into our house! I was like, "Hey bird - what's up?" He told me he was looking for a bird friend of his that was last seen flying into our porch. I explained to him how the Mean One killed the bird he is looking for and that he should avenge his friend's death. I even showed him to the computer room where the Mean One sat at his Mac unsuspecting. The bird didn't want any revenge though. He said he was really just looking for that other bird, because it was his sister's baby's deadbeat daddy, and he's glad the other bird is dead, because now they can collect the life insurance on him. And you all thought me wanting to BBQ the dead bird was harsh!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Pug Toupee

The Woman has been anxiously waiting for my fur to grow back and cover my scar. She thinks the Vet did a real hack job sewing me up, and she is hoping my scar doesn't show forever. She's kind of vain about my appearance, and she also claims to be sick of explaining to everyone why I have a scar. I, on the other hand, hope it will always be visible for two reasons. First, it gets me attention and pity, which leads to petting and free food from strangers. Second, it reaffirms that I am a bad, bad man to all the Ladies. The Woman noticed that the fur is actually starting to grow out of some parts of the scar, so she might get her wish in the end. Until then though, I get to flaunt my badness. I do hope this bald patch grows back soon though, because they don't make toupees for Pugs.

Norman is a Bad Bad Man!

Despite the fact that I am a bad, bad man, I must admit that I enjoy helping the Woman water the roses. I don't mean peeing on them either. The Woman and I go out front and spend about 45 minutes watering the roses (from the hose) a couple times a week. Even though it's really hot out there, it's good times with just me and her. Sure, she has to tie me up or I run away, but I enjoy being tied up, laying in the grass and listening to the hose squirt water. If I didn't make her tie me up, I wouldn't really be a bad, bad man, now would I? I do have a reputation to maintain after all.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


This is what that kid at the park that I knocked down saw. Give me that chocolate face! Rarr!!!!

Summer Kick-Off at the Park

We went to the neighborhood party at the park this weekend. It was not as fun as I had hoped, as I was the only dog there. Well, there was this *other* dog named Oscar there, but he was a real jerk so he's not worth mentioning. Anway, it was just a bunch of people and their kids. Seriously, everyone had at least one kid. There were three groups of people - the retired people who already raised their kids, the 2 toddler group and the 1 baby group. It was kind of freaky. I like kids and all, but I don't like to be outnumbered by them or overshadowed by their cuteness. The Woman is worried that they have to have a baby to fit in. She is presently knitting me some baby-wear in an attempt to pass me off as a really ugly baby. We'll see how it works. I am practicing my baby whine and suckling. I think I got the whining down good, but my suckling could use some work. I need to find a case study. With all the babies in this neighborhood, it shouldn't be too difficult.

On the up-side, this is also a very dog-friendly neighborhood, so I got lots of attention from people and kids alike. Everyone wanted to pet me and asked my name. I also got extra attention because of my shaved spot and scar. I knocked a little baby down one time, and the parents didn't mind! I didn't knock him down to be mean though - he had some chocolate on his face, and I couldn't reach it when he was standing. It's a pretty cool neighborhood, but next time, I expect to see some dogs at the park.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


Sunday was my 5 Year Pugiversary with the People. It was 5 years ago that they rescued me from my abusive older brother and took me into their home so I could destroy it. Sunday was also my 5 Year Chewbiversary, since it has also been 5 years since I first laid eyes and tongue on the Chewb. After the People bought me in Wilmur, our first stop was Mr. Chris's house, where a not-so-chubby Chew Bear (who was named Trouble at the time) roamed the house, free to pee on carpets and chew on unsuspecting wallets. She wasn't quite as plump as she is today, but I was only 9 weeks old, and she was still a lot bigger than me. At first, I retreated to the safety of the Woman's lap, but it didn't take long for me to warm up to her and soon after we became the best of friends. Happy Chewbiversary Chew Bear. I hope you get a new TV soon so you don't have to tolerate Brother all day.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Bird Haunting

A bird died in our yard today. Somehow the stupid thing flew onto the porch and could not get out - it kept banging its head against the screen trying to get through it. The Woman tried to close all the blinds so it would find the door, and it flew head first into the screen and bounced onto the floor. It was pretty crazy. It was still alive, and we thought maybe it just got stunned, so the Mean One scooped it up and put it out in the yard. The People hoped it might recover, but apparently it broke its little neck. He was moving his tail and even took some steps, but in the end, he died. I was hoping to get to barbecue it, but the People said it could be diseased and threw it where I can't find it. Blast! They probably threw it over the fence for those little kids to play with. Those kids get to have all the fun!

So anyway, I'm kind of worried about it haunting the porch now. You know, I am left alone on the porch when the People go somewhere, and I don't really get along with supernatural spirits. I might freak out a little bit, and seeing as it knows I wanted to barbecue it, it might come after me for revenge. I guess we'll see how it works out.


Whitola pugsat me while the People were in Raleigh, and we had some good times. I puggled her a little bit, she yelled at me some - we both got our way in the end. She told the People that I was an Angel Bear and that my lump must have been the source of my evil, because after it had been removed, I was a good dog. FYI, she is way wrong. I was just still tired from the visit from the Gas Man - that's why I was so low key. Also, I brainwashed her a little bit while she was here to think I was a good boy. She gave me some cake. She'll deny it, because she doesn't remember doing it, but trust me - that cake was good eatin'. (Note that I did not say "good eats", because only gay people use that phrase.)

The Gas Man Comes in the Night!!!!

Yeah, I know - it's been a while since I've posted. The Woman has been busy at work, and I have not had a chance to sneak onto her computer while she's on break. Anyway, I have some good stories to tell. The first one has to do with the Gas Man.

It was a couple weeks ago, and the People were getting ready for an Art Show in Raleigh. It was pretty late - like 10:30pm, and the Woman went to shut off the furnace, because it's getting warm and we won't be needing it any longer. When she opened the closet that contains the furnace, she smelled some natural gas - no, it wasn't me - my gas is very unnatural. Of course she fretted about it for a while, and eventually called the gas company who sent out the Gas Man. He was super cool. His name was Bryan, and he had dead flies all over his boots, and he left a path of dead flies everywhere he walked. It was like one of those freaky Stephen King novels or something. The Woman was kind of mad, because she had just finished sweeping the floor and had to sweep up all the dead flies when he left. He fixed the gas leak, and I guess it's good, because an exploding house is bad. I was trying to get him to take me with him. I could be his mascot or something. I'm not sure how to get the dead flies to stick to my feet though. I guess I would need to get some heavy duty fly magnet boots or something.