When I was a baby dog, the Woman dressed me up in her Cabbage Patch Kids clothes. I am grateful now for two things. First, that I outgrew the dolly clothes quickly, and secondly that the Woman sold those dolls at the yard sale before we left Mobile.
This picture is from my "nerd" phase. The Woman was trying to dress me up as Mr. Chris. I'm sure you would see the similarity if you knew him. He only wishes he could lick his own nose like that!
Where in the heck is my Christmas tree? The People went yesterday to the Farmer's Market to get one but came back empty-handed. There are probably 800 trees there, and the Woman could not buy the one that she wanted, because there was no one at that booth to sell it to her. Out of all those trees, there is only *ONE* in the whole lot that suits her. The People went back this morning before work, and still, no one there to sell it to her. Ian went back at 11am, and *STILL*, no one there to sell it to him. For Pug's Sake, how do these Christmas tree sellers make their money? The Woman says Ian put his name on *THE* tree so when the dude finally does get there, he won't sell it. She says they'll go back at lunch and see if he decided to show up for work. I don't really care what the tree looks like. I just want a tree. They are the bearers of gifts, after all, and the sooner we get it put up, the sooner it will start spitting out gifts for the Puggy!!
Before you hear it from someone else, I have to tell you all that I was a good boy this week in Ohio. Not a *very* good boy, since I did poop on the Aunt Glenna's floor, but still a good boy. (I only pooped on the floor once after all.) Even though the People locked me in my cage and didn't feed me until very late in the day, I was still a good boy. Even though I only got a couple pieces of turkey and no fixings or pie, I will still a good boy. Even though the Woman forgot my bed, blanket and toys at home, I was still a good boy. You can imagine how dearly the People are paying now for me being a good boy despite all the trauma I suffered. There has been much barking, butt scratches, snoring and tug since we got home, and I don't intend to let up any time soon.
As a side note, the Grama Lady cut back on her cigarettes because she knows it bothers us. My eyes did not water as badly as last time we were there, and the Woman did not suffer from any debilitating headaches like she did on our last trip to Ohio. It makes for a much more pleasant visit when the house is not constantly filled with stinky smoke.
We are going to Ohio to have Thanksgiving with the Woman's seester, her family, and the Grama Lady. We're leaving tomorrow morning, so I won't be able to blog for a while. We usually stay home for Thanksgiving, and I get some turkey and all the fixings. I hope I still get some tastes of turkey at the Grama Lady's house. The Grama Lady smokes cigarettes, and I really hate the way they smell. It makes me lethargic and my eyes water. The Woman says she doesn't like it either, but we have to tolerate it, because the Grama Lady won't stop smoking. People are weird. I'm glad dogs don't smoke the cigarettes. I guess we're smarter than that though. I am excited to see the Aunt Glenna Lady and the little Nathin boy. They are really nice, and I have missed them.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope you all get lots of tastes of the Thanksgiving meal!
Mr. Chris and His Woman (Elise) got engaged this past weekend. Congratulations! Mr. Chris hasn't asked me to be best man yet, but I expect it any time now. I have the perfect bachelor party all planned out. It will go something like this - The Gr00m's in your house. Drinkin' all your b00ze. OK, maybe not. We'll see what he wants to do. I hope it involves Lady Pugs though. Meimei, Miko - you two available for a bachelor party?
This is my new Pug motto. I think there are some other Pugs out there who share this same school of thought.
If I were still a gamer, I would be the coolest with my new "eating all your p00z" tag line. As it is, the People no longer play WoW, so I can't sneak on to their accounts while they're sleeping. I mostly just did bad things with the Peoples' characters so they would lose reputation, but it was still good times.
I have been on a cancer dog diet of hamburger and broccoli for the past 4 months. A lot of people have been telling the People that I am getting too thin and that my ribs are showing. The People haven't really noticed, because they see me every day, and the weight loss has been very gradual. It occurred to the Woman the other night that of course I am losing weight - I am on the Atkins diet! She decided to add some carbs back into my diet to help me bulk up. She's also hoping it helps with my attitude problem, assuming I'm being a bad dog because I crave carbs. Also, my Atkins diet costs about $10 a week, and when you add that to the cost of all my supplements, it's getting a little out of control.
So the Woman went to the Pet store looking for a good food for me. I used to eat Purina Pro Plan Lamb and Rice, but since that is the food I was eating when I got my first tumor, she didn't want to go back to that one. She settled for the Bil Jac food. It's mostly chicken parts and corn. (Yes, I did say chicken parts. You don't think they would feed dogs the white breast meat, do you?) I still get my hamburger and broccoli, but only about half as much as I used to get.
I have only been on this new diet for a week, and already my ribs are no longer poking out like some kind of street dog. I'm happy to have some carbs again. Sweet, sweet carbs.
By the way, I haven't blogged lately, because I've been a very bad bad bad dog, and the Woman has had me in time-out. Yeah, I pooped on the floor again.
The People left me alone for 5 hours last night to go visit their friends. I had a hurt paw, and they just abandoned me! The Woman gave me some Children's Bayer before she left, so I did feel a little better, but I couldn't believe they would just leave me like that. I was really happy to see them when they finally came home at 11:30, and I wasn't limping around or anything. And then the Woman told me that their new friends told them about a dog park in Asheville! Isn't that exciting?!?!! A dog park! I didn't know we had one here. We might go this weekend, and I might get to meet the Peoples' new friends' dogs, Copper and Chloe.
I'm back to limping around this morning, so the Woman gave me some more Children's Bayer. I like it. It tastes like oranges. I think I'm gonna milk this injury for all I can.
I woke up this morning with an ouchy boo-boo on my front left paw. I'm not sure what I did to it, but the pad is hurting really bad, and I can't put any weight on it, so I'm limping around like a pathetic old man. The Woman tried to look at it, but she couldn't see anything wrong. I wouldn't really let her look very long though since it hurts when she touches it. The Vet says to only give me buffered aspirin, and we don't have any, so I have to wait until later when the People can go to the store. I'm snuggling in her lap right now trying to feel better, but it's not working yet. Maybe a day of snuggling will make me feel better.
The People were painting the walls of our house this weekend. I was very excited to see one room painted yellow. As some of you know, I can see the color yellow. I see black, white, many shades of gray, and yellow. You can imagine that I really like yellow since it's so much different than the other colors. I stepped in the paint at one point and tracked it across the hardwood floors. It washes right off, but the Woman left it there for now, because she says my little paw prints are so cute. I don't think Ian is going to let her leave it there forever though.
On another note, I just took a poop on the bathroom floor. Ian is going to be ticked when he finds it there! It's raining outside, and I cannot be expected to poop in the rain. I mean really - it's bad enough that I have to do my business squatting outside where everyone can watch me, let alone expecting me to do it while it's raining. A Pug has his limits!
Last night Ian was admiring the brightness of the moonlight, and told the Woman to come check it out. She told him that she couldn't, because I would follow her, and she doesn't want him to see what happens to me when I am hit with bright moonlight. Apparently, Ian has never been around when I've been hit with moonlight. He asked what happens. She replied in a menacing voice, "Werepug!" He asked what is the difference between regular Pug and Werepug, insinuating that I'm a bad dog, and she replied, "Well, really just the fangs."
I'm sad to report though, that I now only have one fang. I am a unifang. The Vet removed my right fang when she did my surgery, claiming it was causing a callous on my lip. Of course it was causing a callous! It's a fang! They're kind of aggressive teeth-like things, you know. I didn't realize it was my fang that she removed until last night when I snuck into the moonlight, and only one fang appeared. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even bite anyone. What good is a one-fanged Werepug?!?!! I guess I would make a good can opener, but no one is going to be impressed with the bite marks of a one-fanged Werepug. I'll be laughed out of the Werepug community. Hopefully, none of the other Werepugs will read this, so I can keep my shame secret. Oh, my secret shame!
Our Halloween festivities started with a visit from our neighbor Kari and her 1-year-old daughter, Sarah. Kari was dressed as Princess Leia, and Sarah was Darth Vader. I think she is the only 1-year-old girl to ever dress as Darth Vader. She was super cute and even had her own light saber. After they left our house, the Woman dressed me up in my bumble bee costume and took me to their house to show off my costume. I got to lick Sarah a lot, because she was on the floor being all cute. I think I would like to have one of those little kid things of my own. You know, as long as it is just mine and the People don't go giving it any of my attention.
So anyway, we went home and the trick-or-treaters started coming. At first, the Woman would let me run out and greet them, but I was running off down the street, so she had to pick me up when anyone came to the door. We had about 50 kids, and they were all dressed up so cute. The Woman bought way too much candy, because we ran out of candy last year, so we have lots of left-overs.
When the trick-or-treaters started dwindling, the People watched the Edward Scissorhands movie. The Woman calls me Norman Scissorpaws now, because my nails are so sharp and pointy. While they were watching the movie, the Woman left the bowl of candy by the door for easy access. She would tell me to get her a piece of candy, and I would run over, grab a piece and bring it to her. She thought it was so cute. She likes telling me to bring her things, because she thinks I'm really smart when I do it. I thought I was going to get me a bite of that candy, but I did not. The Woman says sugar and chocolate are very bad for me, so she gave me some goodboy bones instead. I like goodboy bones, so I was happy with that compromise.
I was pretty tired at the end of the night with all the trick-or-treaters and candy fetching. I slept really well last night, and snored all night long! The Woman kept waking me up and saying - Norman SHHHH! I don't know what her problem was - I was sleeping just fine!
Location: Asheville, North Carolina, United States
I live in the beautiful mountains of Asheville, North Carolina, and I am an ornery little pugger. Although I am only awake about 3 hours each day, I work a whole lot of mischief into each and every minute.