Goodboy Norman Featherstone

Friday, November 02, 2007

Grumpalumpugus

I am grumpy today, so I'm going to air some grievances. I know it's early for Festivus, but I can't wait until then. Besides, I'll probably be in a good mood by the time the holidays roll around and will have no grievances to air. We must not let good grievances go to waste.

First, Mr. Chris - Your webserver is painfully slow. Please upgrade your hardware or whatever you need to do to make it faster - I don't know computers, but I do know that loading your website really peeves me off. A web surfer will wait only 5-7 seconds (actual statistic gathered by Woman at the WiMAX World 2007 Convention in Chicago) for a page to load before closing the window in disgust. Disgust I tell you! Also, you could really post a little more often. Please don't give me a list of excuses for why your website is so slow or why you post so rarely. I don't care. I just want it fixed.

Second, I hate you Doteasy. I am on to your game - trying to sell me your spam filtering software, then selling my email address to make me NEED the spam filtering software. It is no coincidence that I used to get maybe 50 spams a week, and now that you are trying to force your software down my throat, my inbox fills up every day with spam to the point that new email is bounced! I add spam filter rules, but still, those penis enlarger adverts make their way into my inbox. I'm neutered! I don't need a penis enlarger, or OEM software or authentic replica rolex watches. How can something be an authentic replica? I'm going to show you an authentic replica of my fist if you don't STOP SPAMMING ME!

And finally, to the man across the street, aka; Penis Head Man (He wears a toupee that makes his head look like a big penis. I'm sorry if this offends you, but it offends me too. Does he not know what his head resembles? Please - if my head or any other part of me ever resembles something offensive, let me know.) - How does your radio be so loud? It makes me bark, then Woman starts yelling at me to stop barking! The anxiety level in this house is through the roof because you are apparently hard of hearing. Woman demands that you get a job and stop turning on your stereo every day at 4pm, or she will be forced to nab the toupee from your bald little head and chuck it out the window!

Now ... On to the Feats of Strength!

15 Comments:

  • At 5:32 PM, Blogger Pugsley, Buster, Cricket & Daisy said…

    Way to go. You tell them Norman. We hope that you feel better now that you have vented.

    Woofers,
    Four Pugz

     
  • At 5:47 PM, Blogger girlville said…

    norman, i am getting all the penis enlarger spam too! what is up with that? i get like 30 spam emails per day (i just checked and had one from 'tia' 'sammy' and 'mason'...i know no one with those names). i have never heard of 'doteasy' so maybe i have something else altogether? perhaps it is a spam pandemic?

     
  • At 6:43 PM, Blogger Punchbugpug said…

    We hate spam at our house too! We also would hate a neighbor that looked and acted like that! What an idiot.

     
  • At 9:38 PM, Blogger Frances Louise said…

    Way to go and speak your mind Norman! I didn't think your penis needed enlarging anyway.

     
  • At 10:35 PM, Blogger rpm said…

    Norman, you made me chuckle...bald neighbor is probably jealous of the pretty hair The Woman has and Ian had pretty hair, too. We like a bald head at our house but not loud music!

     
  • At 10:48 PM, Blogger ***Willow, Belle & Old Man Turbo's Mom*** said…

    Yep we are getting that junk too. UGH. at leat you understand what that is! try having a 9 year old little girls ask what that is all about when she uses your computer! Not fun! I hate Spam...the computer Spam and the so~called meat Spam in the can...Blahhhh!

     
  • At 11:07 PM, Blogger Tami said…

    We have made-up names for all of our neighbors. Hey, if they don't introduce themselves, we make up names. One is aptly named Stephen King.

     
  • At 5:24 AM, Blogger Daisy said…

    Poor Norman. Um, it seems that you are not losing your edge after all!

     
  • At 5:04 PM, Blogger Paula said…

    Norman, if your woman ever nabs the toupee be sure to tell us about it. Many thing here that make mine bark to, esp the garbage truck.

     
  • At 1:57 PM, Blogger LMizzle said…

    HAHAHA, oh man, I wish penis head man lived here, that is the best thing I've ever heard!

     
  • At 10:19 AM, Blogger Clover said…

    Wow, Norman, sounds like you have a lot to deal with right now. If you need a hand keeping anyone else in line, I would be glad to lend my assistance.
    Love Clover xo

     
  • At 10:19 AM, Blogger Clover said…

    Wow, Norman, sounds like you have a lot to deal with right now. If you need a hand keeping anyone else in line, I would be glad to lend my assistance.
    Love Clover xo

     
  • At 10:41 AM, Anonymous Chris Sheppard said…

    Elise has complained about them too, but I got no speed issues when I visit. The problem started when I began squirreling around the DNS records to see if I could make use of some new google services. I ..er.. forgot how to change them back. I'll see what I can do once I whittle down the Holiday edition of my "Honey Do" List.

    While we are on the airing of grievances, you ought to use a service that provides an RSS feed for your comments. I can't be all re-checking your blog 3 times a day to see what people have written you. Having follow-up comments emailed to people is so 1995.

    Feats of strength? Ooh, get me my doggie nail clippers. Oh Norman? >:-)

     
  • At 10:41 AM, Anonymous Chris Sheppard said…

    Elise has complained about them too, but I got no speed issues when I visit. The problem started when I began squirreling around the DNS records to see if I could make use of some new google services. I ..er.. forgot how to change them back. I'll see what I can do once I whittle down the Holiday edition of my "Honey Do" List.

    While we are on the airing of grievances, you ought to use a service that provides an RSS feed for your comments. I can't be all re-checking your blog 3 times a day to see what people have written you. Having follow-up comments emailed to people is so 1995.

    Feats of strength? Ooh, get me my doggie nail clippers. Oh Norman? >:-)

     
  • At 8:14 AM, Blogger Seadra & Zoe said…

    Chuck it out the window? We would like to see that. Make sure you get pictures.

    Love, Seadra and Zoe

     

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