Butt Scratch Fever

Ian is always yelling at me to stop chewing on my butt. What can I do? My butt itches, and I am not so fortunate as some people in the house to have hands to scratch it, so I have to bite at it. Yes, it is a bit embarrassing for everyone involved, but I am a dog after all. Excuuuuuse me for not being born with hands. From now on, every time Ian scratches himself, I am going to announce it to the whole world. "Hey world! Ian is scratching himself! Make him stop!"