Goodboy Norman Featherstone

Friday, September 18, 2009

Evolution of the Pug

Netflix recently released all the old seasons of Lost on "watch it now," so the people have been indulging in season 1 for the past couple weeks. The other night the episode where Locke kills his first boar was on, and Woman averted my eyes explaining that Pugs and boar share a close resemblance and that she didn't want me to be traumatized by the view.

I was intrigued by this, so I went out on the Internets for my first boar sighting. What I found was awesome and awe-inspiring. It got me thinking how super it would be if Pugs had tusks like boar! I came up with some drawings to illustrate my points*.

Have you ever seen anything so awesome as a Pug with tusks?

pug with tusks

We could do SO MUCH with these things; roast marshmallows, hang up guests' coats, dry laundry, dig big holes, be used as a jungle gym by miniature humans, etc. The possibilities are absolutely endless. And notice how much more ferocious we look. The People would save money on home security since there would be no one lurking around the home that houses a Tusked Pug! Sure, we might drool a little more, what with our mouths hanging open a bit to make room for the tusks, but I see that as a minor point.

I could find only one real downside of the Tusked Pug - the heavy weight of those enormous tusks may change the Pug posture just a tad.

pug with tusks

To compensate for this new prone position, we will have to walk around backward, dragging our tusks along the ground. It's a well-known fact that our chubby little necks aren't as strong as they look, but our rear ends are a powerhouse of muscle!

This new backward-facing motion is going to require yet another evolution so we can see where we're going - the rearview mirror. I have created a composite for your viewing pleasure.

mirror on tusk so pug can navigate backwards

Yes, this mirror should solve all the problems with the tusks with very simple installation!

OK evolution, bring on the tusks!

*OK, so Ian actually made the drawings, but I told him what they should look like.

Speaking of Ian, he has a new design up for scoring at Threadless. It's a good one, so give it some love!

Running with Scissors - Threadless T-shirts, Nude No More


  • At 12:19 PM, Blogger Page said…

    OMG, SO FUNNY!! I would hate to see a tusked pug mad! BTW, Rob and I got hooked on Lost at the beginning of this're gonna love it! I resisted for so long and then finally caved and got hooked...Rob and I would have so many serious discussions afterwards about what is going on. LOL! The final season starts in January, I think, so be sure to watch them all before then!

  • At 1:12 PM, Blogger Lilo, The Great Rock Eater said…

    Norman, that is a great idea!!! How do we make this evolution thing move faster??????


  • At 1:20 PM, Blogger Tammy said…

    We have been watching Lost since it started - we're just re-watching them all. LOL!

  • At 2:08 PM, Blogger Harry Pugalicious said…

    Norman, that's a lots of thoughts you put into this! I's not so sure my girlfriends would like me with tusks, so I's gonna stay tuskless.

  • At 8:45 PM, Blogger Nevis said…

    OMG!!!! So hilarious! Ian, you're a fabulous artist. What do you do for a living?

  • At 9:10 PM, Blogger Tammy said…

    He's a graphic designer.

  • At 12:42 AM, Anonymous Dan Coyle said…

    Hey Norman, what lies in the shadow of the statue?

  • At 8:46 AM, Blogger AM said…

    haha! That's too cute. I love those drawings. Ian should do a pug shirt some time.

  • At 12:20 PM, Blogger girlville said…

    norman, i really thought you had drawn those pictures...

  • At 3:39 PM, Blogger martha said…

    I'm so intrigued with the whole tusk idea!


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